Is anyone out there?

 Clearly I’ve been unsuccessful at this blogging gig. Perhaps I’ll try again?  Could I?  Should I?  Probably not but here goes...

It’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m not sleeping but, that’s not surprising. I’ve been thinking about Brandy, the most intuitive animal I’ve ever known. And then about Jack, the most hard luck case I’ve personally seen. And then Scrappy, the ugliest and most regal. I’ve been very lucky to have such wonderful family members. 

And that brings me to my human family. They seem to understand me and my quirks. Understand when it’s personal and when it’s not. Some understand what I need and some give what they THINK I do but, regardless, I know it comes from the heart. I’m grateful to have this love in my life but don’t express it often enough. Others don’t have it and I wonder why I was blessed this way. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve earned or deserve it. I’m also lucky I don’t question it often.

I’ve come to realize that the more I try to right the wrongs of my predecessors the worse my wrongs are. When I live organically, the rights just happen. If I don’t plan, pine or push, it falls into place. When I am myself I am much better. Their sins are not mine. A clean slate at the starting line was a gift. So, what about my sins?  How do I wipe them clean?  I guess I can’t. I can only atone. And counsel against them hoping the next generation isn’t doomed to repeat them. 

Isn’t that the gift animals give us?  That they are authentic?  There’s no good or bad for them, they just ARE. They are themselves no matter what. Sure, their experience shapes them but they don’t waste time wishing for something that isn’t. They may “want out of their cage” but not because they have regrets and want a do-over. They just want to be free to be themselves and do what comes naturally. Because that’s what makes them better. I know that’s an incomplete and somewhat inaccurate analysis but it’s symbolic, isn’t it?  Symbolic for me, perhaps. 

I've lost something...

The house feels empty even though it's full.  The girls are doing their girl things.  I'm doing my thing.  Everything's normal here except...  We've gotten rid of all the accessories that might trigger memory.  I cleaned up the backyard of any trace but...

I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the tennis balls.  They used to annoy me SO MUCH!  Here we were, trying to improve and beautify our little piece of land and I'd see a faded, frayed, broken and dirty stinky tennis ball right in my line of sight.  Gross.  I'd throw them in the trash and a little fairy would come behind me and restore it to our yard.  Then they started multiplying.  Some were even teeny tiny... little midget balls squished in the mud.  My super secret trash stash was successful once or twice.

But, this evening I found three of them.  I just couldn't put them in the trash.  I also didn't want them to be in my line of sight every day, I'd die of dehydration from all the crying.  So, I put them where they belong.  With Her.  I'm still crying but I know it will pass if I don't have to see them all the time.  Only when I choose to.

Brandy : October 31, 1998 - August 31, 2012
We miss you so much.

I'll check under the couches next.

Good Girl.

Try and Try again.

I'm going to try this blogging thing again.  I wasn't successful AT ALL last time.  This time I have NO subject restrictions and I'm not promising myself any sort of regularity.  Whew!!

Okay, so... first post is about how to customize this thing called a blog.  I like the layout, yes.  I like the colors, for now.  I want to have the background image be different but have no idea how to do it.  I'll figure it out later.

I'm tired today, but what's new with that?  Nothing at all.  I'm proud of myself for yesterday.  I ran 3 errands (I had 4 on my list) and I raked 2/3 of the chicken coop and added in more shavings.  I also emptied, cleaned and refilled their waters as well as filled their food.  Not too shabby for a lazy tired person like myself.  Oh yeah!  I also made a pom pom garland for Cecilia's B-day party.  I just need to make a lot more but it's a start!

What haven't I done?  Cleaned.  Washed scrappy who has a disgusting poppy butt (she's a chicken, not a child so don't judge too harshly).  Worked on past due accounting I was contracted to do.  Showered.  All par for the course, really.  I'll get there slowly, I hope.

Today I hope to:
1)  Finish the chicken coop even though I don't have enough shavings.  I need to get at least one more bale.
2)  Work on the accounting
3)  Get Cezanne's school supplies
and it's a possibility I'll be going to South Austin to pick up a great Hammock that I found on Craig's List.  We've always wanted one but don't have the tree set up for it.  This one has a stand and is only $50!!  Super excited.

And, if I still have some energy, make more pom pom garlands while I watch the Olympics.  The Olympics have become a nightly routine.  I'm so happy that the girls are actually interested this year.  Even Cecilia's rooting them on.

Okay, enough for today.  Hopefully I'll keep this up over time, we'll see.

Have a great Sunday!!
A